Breaking the cycle.

It seems Chris Brown has put his freedom and career in severe jeopardy.  Last sunday morning, Brown and girlfriend Rihanna got into an argument on the car ride home following an annual Clive Davis pre Grammy party.  Nobody but Brown and Rihanna know exactly what happened next, but what the public does know is things got physical after Brown stopped the car.  The police were called and Rihanna allegedly was taken to the hospital.  Brown, who initially left the scene of the crime, turned himself into police Sunday evening and was released on $50,000 bond.

It's hard to comment on this story because neither side has spoken publicly about what happened.  Although, Chris Brown fleeing the scene before the police arrived is not a good sign.

What I will say is physical violence should never be acceptable between a couple.  Whether the aggressor is male or female, violence should be considered a deal breaker.  Which means the relationship should end at that point.

Women are far more likely to be victims of domestic violence than men in their lifetime. For many women, this fear of being physically abused by a man they love is always in the back of their minds. 

So it doesn't help that the #1 female pop star in the world (based on #1 hits since 2000), has apparently found herself too being a victim of domestic violence.

But, believe it or not, for Brown the damage is worst.

In a 2007 Giant magazine issue, Brown spoke about the abuse his mother received from his former stepfather.  Brown witnessed his mother being beaten from ages 7 to 13.  At that time, Brown stated watching his mother being abused changed him.  He vowed never to disrespect women and put any woman through what his mother experienced.  When asked about his ex stepfather, Brown stated, "I hate him to this day."

If this story is completely accurate, then imagine the shame and guilt that must be Chris Brown's.  Knowing that he behaved just like the man he claimed to hate.

Unfortunately, like drug abuse and other maladaptive behaviors, domestic violence tend to run in families.  Although, Chris Brown hated what happened to his mother, it's the one relationship of a man and woman he personally witnessed.  When we have no history of our own, we tend to act out what we have seen.  Usually, that means our parents.

This is not an excuse and if this story is 100 percent accurate, then the fault lies with Brown alone.  Yet, if he wants to break the cycle of violence, he'll need to get counseling for this matter.

As for society as a whole, instead of focusing on what to do if your victim of domestic violence, we should be more interested in preventing such crimes from occurring.  Don't get me wrong, caring for domestic violence victims is important.  But, the focus should be geared toward educating young women and men to the danger of domestic violence. 

It seems to me that the majority of the time we talk about preventing domestic violence, the conversation is targeted for women. Wouldn't it make sense to also include men in this conservation?  Since men are usually the perpetrators of domestic abuse, educating men when their young would probably decrease the incidents of violence against women in this country.  

As we see in Chris Brown's case, what you see when your young is hard to unlearn.