Dealing with the inevitable: Part 2

As human beings, were social creatures.  Without social interaction, we wouldn't be able to survive.  It's been generation after generation of human beings passing on knowledge to one another, that has allowed our species to become the dominant one on earth.

Yet, some human beings don't pass on the best traits.  This usually occurs due to an unfortunate combination of genetics and environment, which causes humans to develop maladaptive traits. This leads to all type of behaviors that generally make life harder for themselves and the people around them.

Some behaviors are worst than others, but there seems to be a significant part of the population that thrives on making other folk miserable.  It sometimes can be so called friends, family, classmates or strangers but whatever their title, the ill behavior is the same.  

Don't get me wrong though, we all have our own issues.  But it's the way we handle these issues that separates us from being respectable or a nuisance.  Once people get past a certain age, the chances of them changing begin to decrease.  They may not even necessarily like the way they behave, but changing would be too difficult.  So, folk generally take the path of least resistance and continue on being for a lack of a better word, "Assholes."

Now the question becomes, how do we deal with the "Assholes" in our lives?  Funny thing about people is, we sometimes take on the behaviors of folk closest to us.  People who are negative and unhappy generally infect folk that their close to with the same disease.  After being around them day after day, year after year, you begin to look at life in similar ways.  Now the behaviors you used to despise in them, become apart of your personality.  

Think about it, did you ever see a weaker kid get bullied in school and then everybody bullies him to avoid being picked on themselves?  Sometimes the kid getting bullied gets stronger by the following year and then starts bulling a weaker kid because that's what happened to him the year before.  Or have you ever had a so-called friend or family member that shoots down a good idea of yours related to one of your pursuits in life, because she or he does not want you to possibly surpass them?  

Chances are you had or still do have someone like that around you.  These kinds of people can be significant stumbling blocks for growth and overall happiness.  The very way you think and behave can be severely affected by these people.  Just think if you believe half the nonsense negative folk bring your way, there will all kinds of opportunities and chances you'll miss due to this faulty mind set.

There are only two constructive ways to deal with these kinds of folks: One, is to hold them accountable and tell them about themselves.  This is the long way, but you might actually save some people.  If the relationship is worth it to you, confronting them every time they come at you sideways might teach them over time on how to be a better person.  Or, they will simply stop talking to you because you held them accountable.  Which kills two birds with one stone, you got rid of that person in your life and let them know how you felt.

The short way is to cut all ties immediately.  This would be for people you know aren't going to change or with so called friends who you can simply do without.   The logic behind this is life is much too short to try and teach grown folks how to treat you.  That's something we should have picked up long ago, so why would I want to waste my time teaching someone who doesn't want to learn, how to be respectful or to be a friend.  You should cut your ties with folk like these and find people who already know how to be a friend.  Surround yourself with people who are going to support you in life, not hinder you.

I had a friend in recovery tell me one time how selfish you have to be to actually recover.  He surrounded himself with sober and helpful people not just to be nice, but for himself.  He knew if he put himself with his old friends, in his old neighborhood, that it wouldn't be long before he used again.  He tells his story and lectures recovering addicts not just because he likes to help people, but ultimately because he wants to help himself.  He used to say the only way he can keep what he has is by giving it away.

I think in one way or another, we're all recovering from something in life.  Loss of a parent, lover, job or friend, we all know what it is like to lose someone or something important to us. Isn't wise to surround ourselves with people that will help us in our time of need? Don't we deserve to have people in our lives that will help us back up when we fall and not kick us when were down?  I think the obvious answer is yes we do!  Life is far too short to have negative people around us and let them help destroy our dreams and opportunities.  Cut them off now, before it's too late!

What do you think?  Is Truth being too harsh?  Do you put up with negative people around you or cut them off?  Let me know.