Myth of Manhood: Chapter One, Price Others Have Paid

I would ask those of you that are reading this to think back to 1998 for a minute. What was life like for you at that time? Where were you working? Who were you dating/spending time with? What music were you listening to?

I will not bore you with all the details of my life at that time. The only thing Truth will say is it was not a happy period in my life. With that said, Hip-Hop/Rap music was all that I listened to for the most part. Two artist I was a big fan of were DMX and Big Pun. I thought (along with many others) that these men were talented. To go along with that, I believed at the time they had an ideal lifestyle. Looking at the images that were displayed in their videos and admiration they got from the opposite sex, it seemed to me these guys had it all.

Okay, maybe these two didn't appear to have it all on second thought. I mean Big Pun weighed close to 700 pounds and DMX seemed like he was just a tab bit off his rocker. Yet, they were still extremely popular at the time.

Looking back on it now, I certainly thought they had a better life than me. The money, the women (although both were married at the time, it didn't seem to stop DMX from messing around with other ladies),the cars , etc. They had everything a man could want.

Although, had people been able to take a more in depth look at these men's lives, we would have seen the opposite of ideal: chaos.

I watched this show "E! True Hollywood": Rapper Wives on the E! Channel recently. DMX and Big Pun's wives (Tashera Simmons and Liza Rios) are the envy of no clear thinking woman. Tashera Simmons reveled that X-man was physically, psychologically and emotionally abused as a child. DMX's behavioral issues (allegedly he's Bi polar) and run — Ins with the law have been well documented. Not only does DMX have a mental health disorder but he also is reportedly chemically dependent. There is no doubt DMX has been hazardous to himself. Believe it or not, DMX's family has suffered more so by his reckless behavior and being consistently absent from their lives.

Big Pun's story is even more disturbing. He terrorized his wife from the beginning of their relationship. Liza Rios made a vague reference to Big Pun dealing with issues as a child. The fact that Ms. Rios wasn't specific as Mrs. Simmons leads us to only wonder what happened to him.

I say that because what Big Pun reportedly acted out on his wife and children is scary. They allegedly couldn't talk without his approval. The physical abuse that Ms. Rios suffered was equivalent to what Tina Turner endured. At one point during the "Rapper Wives" program, a home video of the abuse was shown. I'm assuming it's a hidden video camera that Ms. Rios set up. It shows Big Pun walk over to her while she's sitting on a living room couch. Pun had a gun in his hand and slaps Ms. Rios with it full blast in the face. It seemed to happen with absolutely no provocation besides him just feeling like hitting her. The foul thing is that no other family member in the video did anything. They were so acusstommed to this occurring that nobody even seemed to blink twice. Needless to say, it was some disturbing shit to watch.

Much of what I saw in Big Pun's and DMX's lives was tragic but what kept messing with my head is that I used to admire these guys. As I think about it now, this servers as a good lesson for us men. We complain when the DMX's and Big Pun's get the beautiful girls. Some of us may switch up our own behavior patterns to make it similar to men we admire, thinking this is the way to success. We ignore our own blessings, talents and gifts for a preference of someone else's. We do all this not knowing the price that someone else has paid.

The price that DMX and Big Pun paid is steep. Not only did Big Pun die as result of him not dealing with his obvious mental health issues (he died in 2000 from heart attack due to being morbidly obese), his family has suffered since his death. According to Ms. Rios her family is broke and homeless due to receiving only a small royalty payment from Pun's last album.

Mrs. Simmons has made off a lot better financially than Ms. Rios and has no reported physical abuse from X. But the emotional suffering is another story. DMX claimed he was raped by a woman which produced a child in 2006. I'm not going to entertain whether DMX is telling the truth or not, you can come to your own conclusion.

Let this serve as a teachable moment for us all. Instead of trying to keep up with everyone else, we should focus on the blessings, talents and gifts we have. Accept the fact that we cannot all be the center of attention. There will always be those who write, sing, dance or whatever better than us. That doesn't mean we change who and what we are. If anything, we should use it as motivation to become the best we can be.

One should be careful of coveting what someone else has achieved. Especially, when you have no idea the price they paid to achieve it.